thirteen. (4)

you can't see it well in this photo, but not only are these are cows dressed in froufy tutus, they are clad in fishnet stockings and ruby red sequined shoes.

Oh! and their top hoofs are rhinestone-studded.

(in texas childrens hospital).

the deal with the 4?

Ever since probably around the time we moved to new jersey again, i haven't written the number 13 (4) without writing a four after it. The reason? OCD. okay. i won't cop out of that one.

i was insanely superstitious. i didnt want the number 13 (4) to be the last number I wrote, for fear of the unlucky numeral.

I always thought I was the only person afraid of numbers, the only person who was literally afraid of God, and the only person who's family would rather suffer in silence and look happy than i don't know, talk about issues. When I read The Chris Farley Show by Tom Farley, something changed. Its so corny to even think about. But I finally found someone despite it being someone who had lost our battle, who went through the same things I did as a child, and had the same kinds of thoughts I had. The thoughts that spin and spin and never end.

I didn't know it wasn't normal until I was 19.

I thought I was totally alone until I was 20.

Oooh. and i sent out three secrets to Post Secret today. there really is something extremely theraputic about decorating a card, carefully deciding how to word the issue and sending out all the secrets that were holding me for soooo long, into the abyss.

the circles are slowing and i'm seeing exit signs.