sept.

Last night I found out that my payroll check bounced.
I was on hold with wachovia for a total of over an hour and a half trying to get some sort of information as to why this was happening.
Person #1 told me that the check was bounced from the bank the check was drawn on, person number two told me that person lied, and person number three told me that someone at my wachovia branch had taken the check and applied it towards a "do you have a student loan with us?" Ummmm no! What?!
So I was forced to go to Wachovia and straighten it out. A combination of so many things have had me on edge for a week or so. I have no friends in Texas. I love love love the people I work for they are so super nice (case in point: lending me money to cover the overdraft fees the agency owes me); but I have no friends and do very few activities outside the house. (the gym is basically my only activity, actually.) So that, this money thing (when im trying desperately to rid myself of debt), coordinating schooling for the spring, a flight home for christmas, my mom wants to talk more, my sister wants to talk less, i want to cook, my best friend is hopelessly addicted to drugs.....

I walked into Wachovia and almost immedietly began to cry. I'm such a pansy, I dont know if i will ever grow up.

I turn 22 in 3o days. I'm supposed to be able to confront problems and effectively problem solve with out becoming emotional. I used to, sort of, believe that when you grow up it's literally you, waking up one day, and suddenly becoming a new, mature person. I'm beginning to completely doubt it. I feel like those people who thought the world was flat. duh. its sooo obvious! its right in front of my face, but i still can't comprehend it. I'm out to see if any amount of purple nail polish or confrontation will actually help my cause.


My life is filled with symbolism. I wonder if it's only me who can see it, or if others notice. My life is one huge series of cliches and age-appropriate mistakes. I wish so hard that I will wake up one day and just say fuck it, bring it on. To be able, for one day, to not be a slave to my insesant desire to be a grown up and always do the right thing.

This is a picture of peach cobbler that I made with peaches that had been ripened in the fridge- hopefully an accident. they were wrinkly and inedible...but the cobbler was delish.